I’ll give Primate this: it knows exactly what it is. Unfortunately, what it is happens to be 90 minutes of cinematic primate-induced migraine. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a rabid monkey go full “John Wick" on a cast of humans who seemingly share a single brain cell, then congratulations - you’ve found your Citizen Kane. For the rest of us? It’s a long walk for a very short, ROTTEN banana.
The writing here doesn't just ask you to suspend your disbelief; it asks you to take your brain out, put it in a blender, and serve it as a smoothie. I understand that horror movies require characters to make questionable choices to keep the plot moving, but the decision-making in Primate was so baffling I found myself actively rooting for the monkey. By the thirty-minute mark, I wasn't shaking my head anymore - I was bracing for impact.
To be fair, the kills are gruesome. If you’re just here for the practical effects and the sight of a small mammal outsmarting fully grown adults in the most violent ways possible, the film delivers. The cinematography is functional, and the gore is top-tier. It’s just a shame the acting often felt as stiff as the corpses the monkey was leaving behind.
Final Verdict: Is it good or does it suck?
Is it mildly entertaining? Sure, in the same way a car alarm is music if you listen to it long enough. But as a piece of storytelling, it’s a swing and a miss. I can safely say I will never be revisiting this particular jungle.
If your ultimate cinematic fantasy is watching a simian kick ass and take names, you’ll love it. For the average audience looking for, you know, logic? This is a hard pass.